Thursday, November 10, 2005

Lola,

I had to go. You know what I’m talking about. When you have no choice but to run and you’re not running from anything, least you won’t admit it, and you’re certainly not running to something, you’re just running, till your legs feel like mush and your mouth is as dry as Texas in the summer. Then you collapse and nothin’ feels so natural. I didn’t want to leave you behind, but you know how it is. Sometimes you just gotta face demons on your own. You know what kind of demons I’m talking about. I was getting’ to caught up in it, in all of it. I was going down but I caught myself before I hit bottom.
I thought about you the other day and that bridge you took me too, it saved me. I wanted to feel like that again. That’s why I left. Remember sitting there, watching the cars speed beneath us, all those people, governed by the watch on their wrist, the greed in their hearts, and the growl of their stomach. I bet no one knew we were up there, they probably couldn’t even imagine being in a place like that. Coloring with chalk, taking about poems and literature, planning our futures, making the world beautiful, dreaming, believing the impossible. See that’s what I love about us. We take things as they are and make them better, we hope, we pray for the best. We make a difference when we can, changing the world as we move through it. I say “we” but that’s not me anymore. I lost myself somewhere along the way and I’m searching for my soul now. Everyone you meet remembers you, I’m not sure if any hearts were made quite like yours. I’m sure I hurt you real bad, and I’m turned all inside out because of it. I had to, you know I wouldn’t have left you all alone like that. It was like I was drowned in bash paint and I didn’t want to get a single drop on you, not on you, never. Lo, please don’t change, ever, I will find you again; I know our paths will cross.

Fate is on our side.
Ethan

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