Thursday, November 10, 2005

Bananas are great. There is a special place inside my heart for the grocery store. My dad and I walked to the grocery store the other night; we do this from time to time. I need something and drag him along for the exercise. There's no point in driving. It's probably about a mile, but why pollutes the air and waste gas on unnecessary errands, plus a healthy heart never goes out of style. It was 7 or so by the time we left, stopped at the library first; it's all on the way in Elmhurst. The sun just about to set and I noticed the crispness in the air. Fall excites me like no other season- cliché perhaps- it's the new things I suppose, the color of the leaves, the school year, love interests, well in this case it's not new, but seen in a new light. Sometimes I wish it wasn't so complicated.
It was one of those nights, one of those talks, one of those moments you want to hold onto forever, just keep it in your pocket; you know and pull it out on a gloomy sort of day. The kind of feeling you get when you know how much someone loves you. They think the world of you not only because they have to but for some reason that is so completely unknown to you, they just think you are incredible.
I was so excited about this book that I had just picked up, for no reason other than the fact that it was something new to read. I started reading it out loud and my dad laughed and said why don't you just tell me about it when your done. We talked about everything on that walk. They've been looking at real estate, my mom and him, they might move, if they find whatever it is their looking for. I'm sad about that though. That house is my home; I told my dad that it's okay if they move out as long as they understand that no one else is moving in. He laughed and said it means a lot to him to and he's more or less entertaining the idea. See my papa and my grandma are great and you'll have to remind me to tell you about my papa and squirrels because I was in stitches. Anyway, they have lived in their home for 53 years, my dad grew up there. He sat around the same table that we sit around every few weeks or so for dinner. His name is still carved in the bathroom door; he did that when he was seven. I can't even explain to you the warmth I feel inside the moment I step in the door. I love it and I want to raise my children in my home where I grew up, so they can feel the same way. I know he really likes that idea.
He's not very nervous about his tests or his results. He is in a good place with God right now and he has faith in his doctors. If he makes it into the "5-year club" he's pretty sure they'll have more answers then. I like God too, I told him, God and I are trying to smooth out some bumps in the road, I know He's there and I'm pretty sure he knows I'm here, he knows everything, right? My mom says that 999 out of 1000 people would call, isn’t that why she married him though, because he’s different from everyone else. He said that maybe he hasn’t felt normal in a long time and this feeling he’s had for the last few weeks is the closest to normal he’s been, he said maybe he just wants to hold on to that for awhile. My dad’s real even keel, when we found out, when the doctors told him he had cancer and it was pretty advanced, he looked at my mom and said “it’s going to be fine honey, I’m not going anywhere today, and we need to get you through this.” My mom is a strong woman, so very strong; it just takes her a little while to find her strength. My dad knows this and he holds her hand until she finds it and then he holds her hand because he loves her. He held her when she cried, she cried like the rain, slowly though it went from the crazy kinds of thunderstorms that the weatherman can’t even predict to a soft gentle kind of rain when the Lord knows your hurting and he sends it down to seep into your heart and grow something beautiful out of your pain. That’s when she found her peace and put herself together.

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